Sometimes, I get discouraged by my flaws because no matter how hard I try, they always remain. That I am such a sucker, a fool, to make the same mistake over and over again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. How bout the times it’s fool me 1000x. What then?

I was thinking during my QT on the nature of my imperfections but I guess the presence of my flaws are evidence God does exist, and that God can use a fool 1000x over. If I could just have a little more faith I think, if I could just put more trust in the hope that God will pull me through, then it’ll be OK. But I realize have I ever hit such a spiritual high state that allows me to stay at the level forever? No absolutely not and so God must be seeking me in my times of need, in my times of hate, in my times that I distrust and He must want those times as much as those times I am on some kind of spiritual pinnacle. Maybe I’m wrong and I’ll never know but one thing is for sure.

I love the lord and he loves me.

That’s all that matters right?

P.S. Although I didn’t know how to put this in my post, I found a part of Psalm very encouraging.

No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength

A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save.

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.

- Psalm 33:16-19

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